I wanted to fly somewhere far far away

I still remember the night we hugged goodbye
I got in the car and realised
That we were never gonna happen
Because we met each other in the wrong life

I booked a seat on a plane
I wanted to fly somewhere far far away
Where my heart wouldn’t ache
Where I wouldn’t have to see that beautiful face every day

As we took off, all I could think of was how
I’m usually made to feel like the world and all it’s galaxies circle around the beat of my pulse
Yet you always manage to make me feel hollow

Is it palpable 

                       that the fact I’m not enough 

                                                                         

                                                                        is a hard pill to swallow?

You wrong me and expect me to bounce back just like that
And perhaps I should
I get sick of talking about the things that make me unhappy
As if the things I have right now aren’t enough

I drank from a glass in the first-class cabin
Wondering how I could get my senses back to a manageable level
They say you can’t lose something that was never yours
Why am I the only person I know who’s lost something that was never theirs?

I don't question my worth
But sometimes in unbeknownst moments to you
I felt that you did
And that hurt more than if I hadn’t known how to love myself

There I was hours later opening some luggage
In my steel blue teenage bedroom
Expecting to find a bundle of winter coats
Instead I found a pile of might've done's and our could've been's
Unrealised

The task at hand felt overwhelming and there was a knot in my stomach

So I climbed on the bed with my toes hanging off the edge
I said a little prayer for peace
Hoping that perhaps I’ll also find the courage
To go back home, pack my things and say goodbye to the coffee machine