Wishes and affirmations (from a pessimist)

I used to believe in wishes and affirmations
Sticky notes stuck on my mirror
A hopeful little stud

I must have not gotten the memo
Dreams don’t come true
Who knows what could have been if they did…

I also believed in the magic glitter my mom brought home when I was in third grade
“Think of something.” she’d say
“Then blow the glitter in the direction of the wind and everything you could ever hope for will come true.”

Always the same wish: for mom, dad, my sister and I to be together
It’s all I ever wanted as a kid
So I’d wish with all my strength and I’d blow a little glitter every day

Until one day we were out of glitter and sticky notes
And my wish still hadn’t come true
I cried the whole night, not really understanding how affirmations work

“Speak in the mirror every day. Tell yourself that you’re deserving and good things will happen.” They’d say
And so I did
Until one day the mirror broke
Exposing an empty dark cardboard underneath

Perhaps an omen
Perhaps a technicality
Perhaps nothing at all
That day I stopped believing in wishes and affirmations and so a pessimist was born

Until last week I suddenly caught myself quietly on a beach
Staring out at the big blue sea and making a wish
Hoping that it would come true if I only just believed